


Look, I'm Not Here To Make Friends

by crud, elizathehumancarrot, NicoAndTheNineGalaxies



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Pen Pals, Some angst, but it's mostly pretty happy, but later on, it gets sadder, logan and patton will show up, pen pal au, this is based on an rp i did with a friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 17:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17902142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crud/pseuds/crud, https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizathehumancarrot/pseuds/elizathehumancarrot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies/pseuds/NicoAndTheNineGalaxies
Summary: Dear whoever-you-are,Just because we're being forced to do this stupid pen pal exercise for school doesn't mean we're going to be friends.  I've never needed a friend and I sure as hell don't need one now.  We're going to keep this business-like, alright?  Nothing personal.  No gossip.  I don't care about you and you have absolutely no reason to care about me.  I'm worthless anyway.For now, you can just call me Anxiety.  I hope you get the message and don't tell me your name, either, because I don't want to know it.~Anxiety.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an RP that I've been doing for a long time with crud and rangers_apprentice_lover, two of my best friends :)
> 
> For reference, I play Virgil and Patton, crud plays Roman, and rangers_apprentice_lover plays Logan.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Galaxy ||-//
> 
>  
> 
> galaxy and egg boi are lovely people i have the pleasure of knowing  
> -rangers_apprentice_lover as logan
> 
>  
> 
> yeehaw  
> -crud

_ Dear whoever-you-are, _

_ Just because we're being forced to do this stupid pen pal exercise for school doesn't mean we're going to be friends.  I've never needed a friend and I sure as hell don't need one now. We're going to keep this business-like, alright? Nothing personal.  No gossip. I don't care about you and you have absolutely no reason to care about me. I'm worthless anyway. _

_ For now, you can just call me Anxiety.  I hope you get the message and don't tell me your name, either, because I don't want to know it. _

_ ~Anxiety. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear My Mysterious Messenger, _

_ Now, before I say anything else, I just want to say that I’m sure you’re JD-elightful!  Why can’t we become friends? And, just for the future, I’m not very great at keeping things ‘business-like,’ so touch luck there, haha.  I don’t know what we’d gossip about though, we go to different schools, don’t we? And you can’t make me believe you’re worthless if I don’t even know you, so, c’mon Anxiety!  But, to respect your heart’s desire, I suppose I will use a pseudonym instead of my name… _

_ (Or two, I really cannot help myself - they’re both so great!) _

_ -Creativity (Princey) _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear “Princey” (sarcasm, obviously), _

_ Appreciating the Heathers reference, but I’m far from delightful and I can’t make friends.  I call myself Anxiety for a reason, you know. You might not be great at keeping things business-like, but the thing is, I don’t really care.  Don’t expect me to be friendly, cooperative, even a little bit nice, etc. It won’t happen. _

_ You want proof that I’m worthless?  I get terrible grades, I am far from imaginative, smart, or kind, and honestly there’s no point to my existence.  Life is supposed to have meaning, right? Which means that a life with meaning is worth something. So if my life has no meaning, then obviously it must be worthless. _

_ So much for not getting personal, I guess.  We’re still not friends, though. _

_ And if you want two pseudonyms instead of one, then I can do that, too.  The jerks in my class have given me plenty of nicknames to choose from. _

_ With cold indifference, _

_ ~Anxiety (Emo Nightmare) _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear My Chemically Imbalanced Romance, _

_ First of all, time out for thee, shut your mouth!  Who cares about grades or anxiety (meaning, like, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to be friends, not like anxiety is invalid, wHOOPS)!  If you seem like a rad lad, then these letters will be so much fun. And, just so you know, Emo Nightmare, I don’t care if you said my name sarcastically because you still said it and that’s iconic.  That’s right, I’m superior! Shut up. _

_ By the way, you’re not a waste of space???  You’re just…..not??? I mean, even this sassy aggressive side of you you’re letting me see can be endearing from the right angle!  Find something you like, a jelly or something (like Crofter’s) and live for that. It’s a start. Also, Emo Nightmare is just cute, not intimidating.  Sorry, haha. _

_ -Princey (Creativity) _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Princey, _

_ What makes you think it’s all about you?  Writing these stupid letters is almost enough to bring me to a panic attack.  I don’t want to make friends because it just causes me too much stress. And I’m certainly a waste of space. _

_ “Sassy?”  Really? You make me sound like a thirteen-year-old girl.  Not that there’s anything wrong with thirteen-year-old girls, but, well...I’m not. _

_ Also, feel free to kill me for this (it’s not like I’d care if you did), but I’ve actually never heard of Crofter’s. _

_ My Chemically Imbalanced Romance, endearing, and cute...it almost seems like you’re flirting with me, Princey. _

_ With (...slightly less cold) indifference, _

_ (Seriously, if I start getting attached to you even a little, my letters will just be blank.  I’m not kidding. I’ll do it.) _

_ ~Anxiety _

_ P.S. Who says “haha?”  Like, the word, “haha?”  That’s ridiculous. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Jack Smellington, _

_ Sorry if you don’t like my nicknames, I guess I’m just a flirtatious person.  Also, shut up, let me say ‘haha’ in peace! The audacity! Also, please stop signing your letters ‘Dear Princey…~Anxiety.’  I might actually scream. And I’ll stop calling you sassy when you stop being sassy, you Emo Daydream! _

_ (Haha, didn’t expect that, did you!) _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Princey _

_ PS: Are you saying you might be getting attached to me??  My, my, Anxiety, I’m blushing at all these compliments! _

_ (Please don’t send a blank letter, I’ll cry.) _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Princely Nightmare, _

_ Fine, I’ll change it up a little.  Now you’re the nightmare and I’m the daydream, I guess.  And here I thought you’d be some heroic prince coming along to try and save me.  Not so heroic, from what I’m seeing...mostly just dramatic. Oh, and you’re pretty annoying, too. _

_ I’ll bet you want to be an actor someday, huh?  I’ve met people like you before, so I know your type.  I’m not a huge fan, honestly. _

_ And no, I’m not getting attached to you, and I’m not complimenting you either!  Back off, Princey. I’m NOT interested, and if I have to tell you again, I’d very gladly talk to my teacher about getting a new pen pal. _

_ “Jack Smellington.”  At least it’s a little more creative, though I would expect more from someone who originally requested to be called Creativity… _

_ Not so sincerely (and definitely not YOURS), _

_ ~An unwilling pen pal _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Panic! At The Everywhere, _

_ Excuse you, I think I said I wasn’t really flirting, I’m just a flirtatious person.  Dang! And, yeah, I am dramatic, but you were fine with it before! Also, I’m a sophomore, I still haven’t figured out what I want to be!  Besides, what is this, a Cinderella story? We don’t know each other’s names or anything. I want to help you but you won’t let me! I know I’m just a huge annoyance, or a burden, or whatever, but at least I’m trying here, god!  I’m not going to stop you from talking to your teacher like some sort of toxic boyfriend, but if this is what you do every time something doesn’t go your way, you’ll fail the assignment. No one wants that! _

_ -Princey _

_ PS: Normally I’d rewrite this since I wrote it so callously, but the due date for this week is coming up and I ran out of time.  Sorry, guess you just hit a nerve, Emo Nightmare. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Princey, _

_...I’m sorry for lashing out. _

_ I don’t know what else to say, I guess, other than that.  I’m sorry, alright? It’s stupid to say it again. I’m not looking for forgiveness or anything.  I don’t know. _

_ I need some time.  I don’t even know what I need it for, honestly, I just...need to calm down for a little bit. _

_ ~Anxiety _

_ P.S. Sorry for saying “Dear Princey…~Anxiety” again.  And, you know, for everything else too. I’m just sorry. _

_ And what did you mean by wanting to help me?  Help me with what? What help could you possibly give me through these stupid letters? _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Raisin-Oatmeal Cookie, _

_ I suppose I’m sorry as well.  I know I can be a bit...abrasive, and not all people are very receptive to that.  You told me about yourself and I didn’t account for that, so, sorry. I forgive you, by the way.  But if you want to more on from that, I’ve got a bone to pick with you, 5 Seconds of Angst! You’ve never had Crofter’s!  I mean, it’s Crofter’s! Are you serious? It might as well be gold, it’s all that I opt for! You know, I’m not much of a jelly guy, but I love me a good spoonful of Crofter’s!  It’s the only jelly I will put in my belly! _

_ Haha, that was a rant.  And really, don’t beat yourself up! _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Princey _

_ PS: I want to help you with whatever I can, honestly.  I can give you moral support or advice, or something?? _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil had read Princey’s letter so many times that he was sure he’d be able to recite it in his sleep, but it had been almost two weeks and he hadn’t been able to come up with a reply.  Why on earth would Princey forgive him? He’d been a complete jerk. And then he’d just started ranting about jelly? And  _ a specific brand _ of jelly?  It was just...so strange, and Virgil didn’t know how to reply.

At this point, he’d decided that he couldn’t send Princey a blank letter.  It wasn’t going to happen. He deserved better.

So Virgil remained silent, and he waited.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter, after....a lot longer than it should have been.  
> Anyway, this chapter focuses on Logan and Patton instead of Roman and Virgil! Enjoy :))  
> Galaxy ||-//
> 
> i wasnt relevant lmao  
> -crud
> 
> Hehe I’m Logan,,,  
>  -rangers_apprentice_lover

_ Dear supposed pen pal, _

_ Hello.  My name is Logan.  I was given an assignment to write to a pen pal, hence why I am writing to you.  I fail to see the point of this exercise, but apparently our teachers have deemed it necessary. _

_ I enjoy listening to bands like Waterparks, and musicals like Be More Chill.  I also enjoy reading, particularly Sherlock Holmes. _

_ Again, I don’t understand this assignment, but I suppose it’s meant to teach us about life before technology.  It’s essentially a slower version of emailing. Pointless. _

_ -Logan _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Hi Logan! _

_ I’m Patton!  It’s really nice to get to talk to you, and I’m looking forward to being your pen pal! _

_ I can’t say I’ve heard of that band, but I do know Be More Chill.  My favorite musical is probably Dear Evan Hansen, though. Evan reminds me a little bit of a friend of mine. _

_ I guess you’re right (or should i say... _ **_write?)_ ** _ about the whole pen pal thing, but it is nice to be able to talk to someone that I probably wouldn’t get to talk to otherwise - that’s you, by the way!  I love making new friends, and I really hope that we can become friends over the next few months :) _

_ -Patton _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Patton, _

_ I have also listened to Dear Evan Hansen.  It has quite the plot and pleasant melodies; however, I don’t think Evan deserved to be forgiven in the end. _

_ Who is your favorite character in Be More Chill, and why? _

_ -Logan _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Logan, _

_ I understand what you’re saying about Evan, but personally I think it was his problems with anxiety that stopped him from telling the truth at first and then he was just trying to protect everyone’s feelings.  That doesn’t mean lying’s okay, though, because it never is!! I’m just saying I can sympathize. _

_ As for my favorite character in Be More Chill...I’m not quite sure.  They’re all so unique and I could never choose just one! I always have trouble picking favorites because every character is amazing in their own way.  What about you? _

_ -Patton _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Patton, _

_ Sometimes, protecting everyone’s feelings is not the right choice.  Additionally, he took advantage of Zoe with his lies, which was certainly not okay. _

_ My favorite character in Be More Chill would have to be Rich.  His character development and backstory are both the most interesting. _

_ -Logan _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Logan, _

_ Yeah, I do see what you’re saying.  Lying is always wrong and it was horrible that Evan took advantage of Zoe like that, but like I said, I do have some sympathy for him.  Some of my closest friends have anxiety, and I’ve got some experience with it myself...I know that it can lead to some bad decisions sometimes. _

_ But anyway!  Why so formal?  I feel like I barely know you! _

_ As you know, I’m Patton!  I’m fifteen, turning sixteen in January, and I really love animals, especially cats and dogs!!  They’re just so cute, don’t you think? _

_ I’m a Hufflepuff, like from Harry Potter, and I want to be a baker someday! _

_ What about you? _

_ -Patton :) _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Patton, _

_ Things are better formal.  This is an assignment, nothing more.  There are too many variables to control if we begin being casual...but if you insist, I suppose I could share a few things about myself. _

_ I am Logan.  I am fifteen as well, although I am only three days away from turning sixteen.  My birthday is the third of November. I enjoy reading books. I am a Slytherin, and I would like to be a therapist in the future. _

_ -Logan _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Logan, _

_ Well...I know it’s just an assignment, but I was kind of hoping that we could maybe be...friends.  I get it if you don’t want that, though. I’m sorry if I came on too strong. I’ve been told I can be kinda overbearing sometimes, I guess, and I’m really, really sorry. _

_ -Patton _

_ P.S. I think you’ll be getting this letter on your birthday, right?  So...happy birthday and stuff. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Patton, _

_ I believe this warrants what is called an apology.  So, I apologize if I have caused any distress. Perhaps we should start over once more. _

_ Hello, my name is Logan.  I would like to be a therapist someday.  I enjoy listening to musicals and thinking about the future. _

_ -Logan _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Logan, _

_ No no no, there’s no need to apologize!  It’s fine, I understand completely!! It’s...it’s just an assignment, right?  It doesn’t really matter. I’m the one who should be sorry if I made you think you needed to apologize...but I guess if you think we should start over, we can. _

_ I’m Patton, and I want to be a baker.  I like musicals too, but I prefer cartoons, like Steven Universe! _

_ -Patton _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Patton, _

_ Oh.  It seems I’ve read the signs wrong.  Don’t apologize, you have no reason to.  I was the one in the wrong here. _

_ I have only watched the very first part of Steven Universe.  What do you think of the way it presents relationships to younger children? _

_ -Logan _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Logan, _

_ I think Steven Universe has a really good way of presenting relationships to younger children!  To talk about relationships in terms of fusions makes so much sense, and it’s really easy to understand.  To say that a fusion doesn’t work probably makes a lot more sense to young kids than saying that two people are incompatible, especially since Disney and a lot of other popular kids’ stuff makes it seem like either a relationship is perfect or nonexistent, which is super unrealistic. _

_ -Patton _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Patton, _

_ I definitely enjoyed the aspect of toxic relationships in the later episodes.  That is definitely something important for children and adults alike to understand.  Clearly, it can happen to anybody. It happened to me, after all. _

_ -Logan _

 

_ Dear Patton, _

_ I believe that was an example of oversharing.  My apologies. _

_ -Logan _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ Dear Logan, _

_ I don’t care if it’s oversharing.  Whatever happened, if you want to talk about it, I’m here for you.  I’m so sorry to hear about that...I have a friend who has had some issues with stuff like that in the past, and I’m not claiming to be an expert or anything - far from it, honestly - but I’ve seen it before and I don’t want anyone to have to deal with it, especially not alone. _

_ I know we might not be very close, but I’m here for you, Logan. _

_ I promise. _

_ -Patton _


End file.
